If you were about to tell me about a herb, drug, diet, book, therapy, prayer, or parenting strategy that works wonders for Autism Spectrum Disorders, please don't.
I think I've heard them all.
Even if I haven't, I don't appreciate unsolicited advice. I'm guessing that most people who have ever struggled to conform, physically or emotionally, know how I'm feeling. Smokers don't need to be told about the patch. People who are overweight don't want to hear how your cousin lost 50 pounds by eating fruit. It just ain't that simple.
The insinuation is that, because I haven't tried whatever they're recommending, my son's behaviour is my fault.
Since I haven't had the guts to tell anyone this in person I'll say it here:
1. I cannot possibly try every treatment at once so give me a break!
2. I have a team of specialists (occupational therapists, social workers, pediatricians, psychiatrists, pharmacists, psychologists and resource teachers) who know K. and are already giving me all the expert advice I need.
3. Most disabilities just aren't erasable.
I was interviewing an occupational therapist yesterday for a story on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. She says that when someone has a physical disability we try to change the environment, not the person. We build ramps or install elevators for people in wheelchairs. We don't scold them for not trying harder to climb the stairs. But when someone has an invisible disability, such as Autism, Fetal Alcohol, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or ADHD we tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and choose to behave appropriately.
That, she says, is comparable to "pushing someone in a wheelchair down a flight of stairs."
People of every stripe need grace, patience and understanding. It takes time to learn and grow. And sometimes it takes a specially adapted environment in order to succeed.
That's what I'm trying to do in my parenting. I'm learning to prevent K.'s blow-ups by predicting which situations he won't be able to handle. Since the post office incident, I haven't taken him to the store without a plan, an escape vehicle, snacks, and clearly spelled out expectations. When he does get explosive, instead of restraining or punishing him, I'm teaching him to calm himself with books, music, and television.
That's the scoop on how I am trying to help K. In case you thought I just wasn't been strict enough, or reading enough parenting books, or feeding him the right herbs.
Sorry for being defensive.
Be patient with me. I'm still growing too.
No comments:
Post a Comment