Message in a bottle

You're worried. Your son enters the grade one class every day and goes straight to the play corner as if no one else exists. He doesn't put on his shoes, stand for "O Canada," or look at his teacher when she calls his name. When you try to get him to read a book or answer a question ("How was your day?"), he repeats last night's cartoon--word for word--and won't stop no matter how many time you tap or call him. You know he's smart--how else could he remember so many television and radio scripts?--but you have no idea why he won't follow school routines, interact with classmates, or complete simple assignments. You try reward charts, time-outs, and, though you're not proud of it, yelling to get his attention. Friends say, "Just love him and he'll come around," but you know your love isn't getting through.

You're worried. Your daughter is in grade two and doesn't read at all. Every morning she says, "I hate school. No one likes me." When you hand her her jacket, she kicks you. She gets frustrated in math--yelling "I can't do this!" and running out of the room almost daily. She wants to learn piano, but when she sits down to play, she looks at the music book, her face fills with tears, she bangs her elbows on the keys and runs out the front door. She hides in the change room during gym because she doesn't understand the new tag game. When friends come over, she tells them to leave; it seems she's worn out from school and has given up on figuring out how to play. You wonder: does she have a low IQ? A high IQ with a learning disability such as dyslexia getting in the way? You try everything. You spend hours encouraging her to sound out the next word. And you pray.

Then one day you try something that changes everything. Your son looks you in the eye and says he had a great day. Your daughter jumps six reading levels within a few months. She runs to the piano every day after supper, plays each scale and song twice, and then makes up her own composition and calls the family for a concert. She invites her friends over and lets them choose the game. Your son learns to carry the one and your daughter learns to use her words. What happened? Was it a miraculous healing? A new parenting technique?

It's medication. The stuff people fear ("It'll make them zombies."), ridicule ("He's a poster child for Ritalin."), and scorn ("Parents drug their kids because they don't know how to give them a good whooping.") I was afraid to try it too, so I did my homework.

Here's the truth: at the correct dose it doesn't make kids zombies. Kids who are overwhelmed by all the instructions and expectations around them are more likely to "tune out" when they aren't medicated. Methyphenidate doesn't make kids sleepy; it wakes up the part of the brain that allows them to focus on non-preferred tasks (every kids can focus on video games) and regulate their emotional reactions. The side effects of stimulant medications like Ritalin or Concerta are decreased appetite, difficulty falling asleep, and occasionally headaches and increased blood pressure; the prescribing doctor will assess the child's growth and blood pressure regularly. The good thing about stimulants is that they pass through the system quickly, so a short term med. trial will not have lingering side effects, and, if it's what the child needs, the positive effects will be apparent immediately.

To those who accuse me of medicating my child because I'm too incompetent to discipline them, I say: punishing a child with ADHD for not coming when you call them or for becoming frustrated with their schoolwork is like spanking a child in a wheelchair for not walking up the stairs. In the years B.C. (before Concerta) my kids were not able to get from the table to the sink without forgetting that you told them to brush their teeth when they got there. Now between the medication, the pictorial schedule, and a mom who patiently understands their limitations (rather than thinking "They should know this by now and I'll look like a wishy-washy parent if I don't make them do it right!"), they can get ready for school by themselves.

Do I like medicating my kids? No. But my greatest fear is not the side effects; it's the world's judgment. Would you medicate your child if it had such a wonderful effect on their ability to follow instructions, learn math, read chapter books, control their anger, brush their teeth, play tag, make friends, fit in, and enjoy life? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you'd try every parenting technique you could find first. I did. Maybe you'd try every diet and herbal remedy first. I didn't. Maybe after years of being kicked and ignored, you'd find relief in the realization that your kids don't hate you, they just couldn't hear you!

Maybe you would never try medication. But I hope you have compassion for those who do. You have happy, successful children. That's all I want too.